The Silent Seduction of Self-Talk by an author/friend Shelly Jean Beach is one of those books that I read and re-read and read again and pick up and read the underlined parts again. And now....yes, I am reading it again. I love the way she lays it out to begin with...honestly, openly, all on the table. She calls us to be honest with ourselves through the Soul Search section at the end of each chapter...questions to think about, talk about, write about. She has another section at the end of each chapter called Facing the Seduction and this is devoted to Scriptures to read and ways to pray and exercises in how to listen to the Spirit and the Word. Lastly, is the section called Responding from the Heart, which is a prayer to the Lord. Oh, and how I love the appendixes!! Usually I just skip the appendixes, but not in this book. These are more helpful, interactive, exercises to help really open up what you are telling yourself.
One example of questions asked in the first chapter: What "bricks" can you identify in your wall of spiritual need? What attitudes, thoughts, sins, habits do you struggle to hide, even from yourself? What conversations do you have with yourself to justify or rationalize your actions?
The part that reads "struggle to hide even from yourself" hit me hardest. There are parts that I struggle to hide from myself. I just go on and pretend there is no struggle, no problem, no sin...but as I have found out how much He loves me, I know I can trust God completely with who I am. I do not have to "perform" for Him. He knows me. And when I am struggling, He knows it. So I just pray...and tell Him honestly what is going on...and then I wait until He gives me a way to deal with it, or I go on but honestly seeing it and living differently because of it.
Sharing the prayer because it is so real...
"Gracious and loving Father, i come to You admitting that I'm facing a wall of need. I know that more than anything, You want to have a closer and deeper relationship with me, and today I'm taking a first step toward You by asking You to change me from the inside out. Thank You for loving me as I am but for not leaving me in my brokenness.
"Please help me see the ugly parts of myself I've worked so hard to hide with self-talk. Show me who You created me to be, fully empowering me through Your Holy Spirit to become that person. Show me the roots of my self-deceptions, whether big or small. Help me listen to the conversations I carry on with myself, knowing they're a mirror to my heart, a key to my motives, and the source of my commitment to live out the double love command to passionately love You and others.
"Thank You for grace and for the gift of Your love as I turn towards You in humble obedience. More than anything, Lord, I want to have a heart that loves You more. Amen"